


Come What May

by Eternal_Garbage_of_a_Spotless_Mind



Series: Brainfarts That Ruin The Ozone Layer [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Hormones, Human Biology, Humor, Potions Accident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:14:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5330369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Garbage_of_a_Spotless_Mind/pseuds/Eternal_Garbage_of_a_Spotless_Mind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember how they say you should not mix alcohol and medicinal potions? Especially suspicious potions imported from unknown sources?</p><p>Cullen and the Inquisitor didn't. And the aftermath of this decision is more then simply 'interesting'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And So It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, curious reader. Thank you for stopping by! 
> 
> First of all, I would like to bring it to your attention that I am not a native English speaker and chose not to ask anyone to beta this stuff. Hope this is not a problem :)
> 
> Secondly, I always love to hear what people think so I welcome all the feedback.
> 
> If, for what ever crazy reason, you like my stuff, you can prompt me on my [tumblr](http://zhar-ptitca.tumblr.com) I specialise in one-shots and enjoy crack.
> 
> Again, thanks for reading.

****

He felt a chill. Cullen wrapped himself tightly in his mantle and scanned the windows to see if any were left open. The dull pounding in his head had spread to the neck and he rubbed it carefully, hoping for relief but none came. Still, he had these reports to finish and Cullen was anything but a quitter. He grit his teeth together and continued reading.That is when the door swung open, letting both the Inquisitor and cold draft in.

"Gwen, the door!" he barked, trying to catch a couple of papers that were blown off the desk. The woman laughed and slammed the door shut, launching even more papers in the air. Cullen had abandoned any attempt to bring order to his desk and dropped down in his chair. He wanted to be more welcoming but he felt exhausted to the point even simple pleasantries were a chore. He eyed the woman in front of him - it did not escape his notice that she had taken lyrium, perhaps not more then half an hour ago. He frowned and moved his chair somewhat backwards but the smell was everywhere. It was teasing his senses and Cullen felt his stomach clench.

"Cullen, relax. That's what I am here for." Gwen's voice had interrupted his chain of thought and the next moment she put something on the table. A bottle. It bore no brewery seals or any other identification and so Cullen ogled it suspiciously, finally shifting his gaze onto the Inquisitor. Her flushed cheeks told him that the party had already started. She noticed his suspicious stares and smiled brightly.

"I know you go for beer, love, but - "she made a dramatic pause and tapped the bottle lightly. "This is Bull's personal supply. Donated for the cause."

"You... Stole it, didn't you?" he sighed. Gwen was a social drinker and the more she drank, the more social she became. Quite well-behaved when sober, she would make a complete personality flip when drunk. This had been discovered by Sera and abused ever since by the more 'fun - loving' inhabitants of Skyhold.

"Requisitioned. For the Inquisition." Gwen grinned as she disappeared upstairs and started rummaging in Cullen's belongings. She soon came back with two mugs in her hand. "Bull practically gave it to me, don't fret."

With some effort she wiggled the cork out of the bottle, sniffed the contents and sneezed. Cullen was on the other side of the table and had no trouble smelling it either.

"Maker's breath, it reeks."

"Don't be a baby," she pushed the mug towards him and smiled softly. "You need this, Commander." 

And so Cullen took a tentative gulp.

Half an hour and the last drop later, he and Gwen were sitting together on the table, reading one of Leliana's reports. The Inquisitor had replaced every mention of the Red Templars with a word 'nug' and thus Corypheus and his army of nugs were marching towards the Haven. Cullen was out of breath and just snorted, when 'the nug prisoner refused to give any valuable information'.

"Gwendolynn, you are... Mangf.. Magn.. Mm..." he exhaled, caressing her warm rosy cheek and planting a kiss on her ear. The smooch came out louder and wetter then anticipated and so Gwen laughed, rubbing her ear and giving him a cheeky stare.

"A what?"

"Ma - gni - fi - cent," Cullen pronounced the word slowly, finishing up with a hic. "Bedroom. Now."  
Instead of listening, Gwen just rolled on her back, pushing the bottle and stacks of paper on the floor, grinning wickedly.

"Alright, I can... Work with that." Commander mumbled to himself and, swaying slightly, placed his knees on the both sides of Gwen's hips. As he started fumbling with the buckles and buttons on her jerkin, a painful cramp shot up his arm, making Cullen curse and crawl off the Inquisitor, rubbing his shoulder with a painful expression. That is when he remembered about the medication that had been delivered to him a while ago. It was in the upper drawer of the table and the Commander tugged on it so hard, the drawer fell out, its contents scattering over the floor.

"W.. What are you doing?" Gwen got off the table, watching Cullen crawling over the floor and clearly searching for something. Being helpful was in her nature and so she dropped on her knees and started looking around as well. "Is this it?"

Cullen lifted his head up, to see the Inquisitor holding a small vial with bright green liquid in it. He reached out to take potion from her but Gwen frowned and closed her hand around it.

"It looks... Gross."

"Gross. This is what you come up with." he snorted and curled his hand around Gwen's knuckles. "It is pain medication to help with.. uh... wirthdr.. withdrawal. But I did not want to take it. Yet. Now I do."

"Why?" Gwen squinted at the small label that was glued to the vial but the language was unknown to her.

"I can't remember." confessed Cullen shamefully.

"There, there." Gwen petted him on the shoulder and pulled the cork out with her teeth. "I'll taste it first."

Before Cullen managed to stop her, she took a swig, emptying half of the bottle. The next moment Gwen pressed both hands to her mouth, feeling the stomach clenching in agony. Cullen finished the rest of the potion and she could swear his face got as green as the liquid in the bottle had been. He retched but managed to keep the contents of the stomach in place.

"Maker have mercy, this is _vile_." he muttered, fighting yet another spasm.

"How many of these did you order?"

Cullen did not say anything but raised one finger in the air, making the amount quite clear. Gwen stood up and headed towards the door but halfway turned around and slowly climbed up the ladder. Cullen heard her dropping on the bed. As soon as the stomach had calmed down a bit, he followed her and crawled under the blanket, without bothering to undress. 

***  
The banging on the door was relentless. At first she thought it was her head pounding but the voices outside were calling for 'Commander' and thus it was not a figment of her hungover imagination. The last night was nothing but pieces and fragments scattered around in her head and so she rolled out of bed.

"Commander, is everything alright?" someone shouted from outside, as another round of knocking bounced off the door and directly into her skull.

"Yes! Just stop knocking, dammit!"

_Maker, Bull was not kidding when he said it destroys your vocal cords._

Apparently, whoever was on the other side of the door took a hint and had dismissed himself. It seemed the noise had woken up Cullen as well, for she heard the blanket being thrown aside and then a gasp, followed by the sound of someone jumping on their feet. Gwen turned around and, pretty much froze on the spot, unable to believe her own eyes. In front of her stood someone that could have been Cullen's sister. Dressed in his clothes.

"Andraste's.. Gwen?!" as these words came out, the woman bit her lip. "My voice?"

"Um..." Gwen muttered, unsure what to say, unsure that she wanted to say anything at all. And dreading to look at herself. The woman pounced towards her and grabbed the Inquisitor by the chin with one hand, lifting away the fringe at the right side of her face with another. 

"The scar. So it is you."

"Likewise."

A thin scar crossed the woman's lip on the right side of her mouth. The scar Cullen had, the one Gwen often liked to trace with her fingers. When they stood this close it seemed that some things had not changed. It was his face - lines softer, eyes a bit bigger, lips fuller but she could recognise him. The woman... Cullen, was still half a head taller then her. If Gwen had to compare, she would say he had a female Qunari complexion. Tall, lean and muscular, broad shoulders, small waist and wide hips. Hips Cullen seemed to finally notice, as he tugged on his pants with irritation. Too wide in the waist and clearly not meant to house the impressive lower part of the hourglass figure the Commander had suddenly been equipped with. Her clothes also felt constricting in suspicious places and Cullen's stare had confirmed that.

"I need new... pants, right?" Gwen finally squeezed out. "Do I sound as manly as I think I do?"

Cullen nodded, golden curls bouncing up and down. Usually it made him look younger and a bit of a farmer boy - the main reason Cullen took great care to style his hair every morning. Now with this new... physique it actually looked very charming on him. Without saying a word, Cullen darted off downstairs. He was behaving a bit manic but who could blame him? She heard angry rummaging and while Commander was busy, walked towards the mirror he used for shaving. As she took off the towel and stared at her reflection, Gwen started laughing. At first these were just nervous giggles that turned to hysterical bleating few moments later. The face, the jawline, the stubble, the hair... The reflection in the mirror that greeted her was no other than her elder brother, Ethan Trevelyan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the side note, just as a little disclaimer.
> 
> This fic is _purely_ 'what if cisgender person has to deal with the body of an opposing sex.' stuff. 
> 
> This crack!fic is not meant to touch any sensible and complicated body disphoria or/and transgender issues.


	2. Outside Does Not Matter

"So this is what you had?" Dorian held the small vial against the light of the candle, few green drops of liquid still rolling inside.

Gwen nodded. So did Cullen, whose face was darker then a storm cloud. They got out of his quarters by nightfall and, with great precautions, made their way to Dorian's study. Gwen was wearing Cullen's clothes but Commander was not as lucky. He had profoundly refused to undress, both in front of the Inquisitor and in her absence and just stayed in his old outfit.

"It is written in Tevene... I think." Gwen said quietly, her voice still creeping her out.

"The kind that died out centuries ago," Dorian turned towards Cullen, amusement and a tad of pity written on his face. " _Where_ did you get this?"

The Commander flushed angrily and bit his lip. In his new form it gave him a pout that made him look very irresistible. Gwen hid her face, unable to stop grinning.

"A friend of a friend told..." Cullen was mumbling, the sound of own voice making him uncomfortable. "Black Emporium." 

Dorian's eyebrows flew up but it was Gwen who jumped towards the Commander and clutched his shoulder with an iron grip, turning him towards her. The force applied was much more then she was used to and so Cullen flinched - she was hurting him.

" _What_?! Do you ever think? _Ever?!_ Was your pride so great you had ignored _multiple_ offers of help for _this_? Maker's breath, Black Emporium?"

Cullen scoffed, his eyes darkening in anger and he stepped forward, face inches away from hers.

"You dare shaming me!? You, of all people!"

A spark of electricity shot between them, forcing both to step away from each other and pay attention to Dorian, who shook his head in annoyance.

"People, please. Leave your bedroom banter outside," he waited for rebuke but none came. "Many Tevinter nobles would love to have this, I assure you. My father amongst them, no doubt... Now, about you two. We should notify Cassandra and the rest of the council."

***

Gwen felt like a horse on the market. Four pair of eyes were staring at them in a mixture of astonishment, disbelief and, in Dorian's case, slight appreciation. Josephine looked around and took deep breath in.

"Okay, I shall go first," when no - one objected, she adjusted her skirts and coughed. "If it is any consolation, you both look quite... appealing."

"Appealing?" exploded Cassandra, making Josephine take a step back. "The face of the Inquisition has.. Has become a man! By some _magical_ potion mishap! How are we supposed to explain it to anyone if we can't even explain it to ourselves?!"

"Perhaps an official double for each of them would give us time to come up with better solutions." Leliana's pragmatism was like a breath of fresh air and all gazes turned towards the Spymaster, eyes glimmering with desperation.

"Resourceful, I'll give you that," Cullen spoke, his soft voice not quite corresponding with the stern expression he was wearing. He leaned against the wall with some sort of newly found grace Gwen had never noticed in him before. "But we have the Winter Palace 'event' coming up. My presence is optional. However, no double can replace the Inquisitor."

"Also, double cannot close the Rifts." Gwen crossed her arms. It felt weird, being so broad. Having muscles the size of... well, a man. Meanwhile, looking at Cullen - his profile and his frame made her lower abdomen stir, even though Gwen had never been attracted to women before.

"I have people lined up for each high - rank individual within the Inquisition. In case of... emergency," Leliana curled her lips up in a polite smile. "We have three powerful mages in Skyhold that can help with some glaring imperfections regarding their appearance. They are aware of your background and know how to hold themselves in public."

Anticipating the next question Leliana raised her hand in the air, asking people to hold their comments back just for a while longer.

"Within Skyhold both of you still do their part for the Inquisition, as before. Outside in public... Well, I have an idea and will get back to you on that soon enough."

"Inquisitor, we will have to upgrade your wardrobe. Same for you, Commander." Josephine examined both of them with a critical eye and made a couple of notes. "The seamstress will attend to you in the morning."

***

And that was the end of it. The advisors left one by one and, with a promise of finding out everything he can regarding the origins of the potion, Dorian pushed Cullen and Gwendolynn out of his study, locking the door behind them. The courtyard was engulfed in the darkness as they made it back to Cullen's quarters. When he tried protesting weakly, the Inquisitor had pointed out that she could not return to her own room without being seen. When the door closed behind them, Gwen locked it and tossed the key on the table. She sighed and turned around, seeing nothing but Cullen's silhouette against the window, his shoulders slumped.

"Talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about."

"Oh but I think the topics for the conversation are a - plenty." 

The light of the candle shredded the darkness around them, creating dancing shadows on the walls. Cullen let it stand on the table, watching the dancing flame. It reflected off his curls, making them shine like molten gold.

"I just," he rubbed his neck, avoiding looking at Gwen. A gesture all too familiar. "Don't know what to do with myself. How does one react in such situation? I can't... I can't even _look_ at myself. I can't stand hearing myself talk."

"Cullen, we have to make do. I feel the same but," Gwen silenced for a moment, trying to find the right words. She wanted to tell that looking in the mirror brought back haunting memories she wished to forget. That everything she said was in _his_ voice and it hurt so much. "We have jobs to do. You are still the Commander. I am still the Inquisitor."

Gwen walked closer now, lifting his chin up with her fingers. His features were much more delicate, less angular and the skin felt so unbelievably soft. And, Maker, the lips... She blinked and smiled softly, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

"Outside does not matter. It is what you carry within - your thoughts, your memories, your feelings. And that did not change, did it?"

Cullen grinned slightly, sadness lifting from his eyes and cupped Gwen's face in his palms, the way he always did when he felt particularly in love.

"Ah, reminds me why I keep you around, Inquisitor."

She snorted.

"And my amazing cooking."

It was his turn to laugh, eyes sparkling.

"Right. Amazingly _bad_ , that."

She could not contain herself anymore. With Cullen leaning against the table they were the same hight and so Gwen pulled his face closer and pressed her lips to his. It felt almost the same. _Almost._ His lips were softer, fuller. She traced them with her tongue, as always stopping where the scar left a mark and planting a small kiss. Cullen had answered her invitation. At first timidly - Gwen was expecting the Commander would pull away but he did not and instead he opened up her lips and slid his tongue inside, intertwining it with hers. Gwen's fingers dug in his curls and dropped on his shoulders, tugging on the mantle till it fell on the floor. The heat in her underbelly made Gwen rush but as her hands dropped on his chest she felt Cullen's fingers tightening around her wrists as he moved his face away.

"No."

Gwen wanted to say something but her mind felt muddled. All she could do is turn around, trying to calm herself. Whole situation was ridiculous. Men were... fast and eager. It had always amused her greatly. Wasn't so amusing anymore.

"Fine, you are right. This is not the time."

"Good things come to those who wait." was Cullen's answer and he flashed a smile in her direction.

"Did you just... Why you..." Gwen huffed angrily. She had never thought her own words would be turned around like that. In the very beginning of their relationship there was a lot of kissing in dark corners of Skyhold. Cullen always wanted more but Lady Trevelyan was not an easy catch.

_... Good things come to those, who wait, Commander..._

He made a joke, true. But his reasons were not the same and they were understandable. Cullen bid the Inquisitor goodnight and disappeared upstairs. Gwen was left to herself and so she cleaned up his desk, making it ready to serve as an improvised bed. They would not be sharing a bed together, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is being difficult. But not unreasonable.
> 
> Come, Curly, boobs can be fun. Embrace them!
> 
> Also, frilly dress for the Winter Palace. Y/Y?


	3. Eyes And Ears Wide Open

Leliana's chosen doubles were introduced to them not long after the secret night gathering had taken place.The combined efforts of Dorian, Solas and Vivienne made Gwendolynn stare in awe at the woman, who bore her face. Sure, there were differences. Alia lacked the warriror's physique, her frame smaller then the Inquisitor's own. But the face was so spot on, Gwen had trouble finding the imperfections. Same could have been said about Cullen's replacement. In face James was almost indistinguishable but he definitely looked scrawnier then the Commander. Cullen had immediately picked up on that and poor James had to spar with the other soldiers daily and for prolonged periods of time under the watchful eye of the Commander himself. The news about the strange sex change of the leading faces within the Inquisition had spread like wildfire but Leliana kept a watchful eye so that no information would leave the premises of Skyhold. People stared. There were whispers. Several times some poor sod jokingly catcalled the Commander. The punishment was swift and humiliating and the unlucky joker had been dragged off to clean the latrines. Cullen had never tolerated any form of diminishing behaviour towards female soldiers and had no plans to change his policies.

Even though he still supervised his troops and handled the operations, James tailing him wherever he went, Cullen distanced himself from most of the people, save Gwendolynn and the other advisors. He also exhibited certain vague hostility towards his double, who was a living reminder of what he had lost. When he talked to the scout, his voice and face were devoid of any emotion. Disinterested. Cold. Calculating. That Cullen had been unknown to Gwen up until now. According to Varric that had been Cullen he knew back in Kirkwall - scary Knight - Captain Rutherford, creeping in dark corners and watching for the abuse of magic. 

"Only without the majestic hips to sweep mages off their feet." added the dwarf, giving the Inquisitor a wink and trailing off towards Herald's Rest.

The seamstress did his figure the justice it deserved, Gwen could not deny that. Cullen often complained that he needed to scrub himself clean from all the stares, most of them provided by the Iron Bull. In Bull's defence, he used to stare at Cullen's behind before, the Commander just was not noticing. The rest of the ogling was done by no other but Gwen. Which was not any more then she used to do but Cullen had become very aware of his surroundings, every little thing ticking him off. On top of everything, the potion seemed to fail in its primary function and none of the withdrawal symptoms had gone away. More often then not Cullen had migraines and aches, that contributing to his foul mood just as much.

Today was no different. He stood over the War Table, while Leliana read one of the reports her scouts brought in. Gwen saw how tense he was and when Cullen reached out to pick up one of the figurines, his hand trembled, making the Commander curse under his breath and put the hand back. But it had not passed unnoticed.

"Commander, is everything alright?"

He straightened up as if someone slapped him and looked around. There was concern in each one of their faces. Concern or pity. _Pity._

"It is, Sister Nightingale. Please continue."

"Cullen, we can call a recess if you need..." Josephine said softly, hiding her eyes in her notes.

" _Continue._ "

Gwen shifted her weight slightly and gave Cullen a warning glare. He turned towards the Spymaster, arms crossed on the chest to hide the tremors in his fingers. He smiled, though it looked tired and forced, rather then friendly.

"You've mentioned my soldiers."

"Yes, Commander,"Josephine rustled with her stack of parchments and finally found the one she was looking for. "Leliana and I both think clearing the beach and re-opening the port would be quite beneficial for connections to Kirkwall. Trade or otherwise."

"You can have them." he pondered for a while, absentmindedly twirling a lock of hair between his fingers. A bane for everyone with bangs long enough to curl and tug upon. "Take the combat burn-outs. They cannot fight but the daily complaints about the idleness are starting to get to me. They will be happy to work."

Cullen stopped for a second and, noticing what he was doing, angrily pulled his hand away.

"Take a squad of able fighters as well, in case there is trouble."

Leliana nodded and peeked over Josephine's shoulder, to make sure the Ambassador wrote everything down. Satisfied with the result she shifted her gaze to the Inquisitor.

"Now about our delicate matter here. Both of you are required in Halamshiral, there is no other option. Agents Kenway and Firell will handle the official pleasantries but your task will be much more _interesting_."

Cullen groaned but Gwen perked up slightly.

"The Game."

"Correct, Inquisitor."

"I had been dreading this. Now I am absolutely terrified." Cullen slammed the table with both hands, making several of the figurines on the map tumble on top of each other. He shook his head in desperation. "Please, Leliana, tell me I do not have to play this preposterous Game that you, Orlesians, love so much."

"You will have to be the pretty bait, Commander. A giggle here, a well - timed gossip there... Ears and eyes wide open."

"I... _what_? You want me to _flirt_?!"

"Same for goes for you, Inquisitor."

"Oh this will be _fun_." Gwen smirked and rubbed her hands together, feeling Cullen's eyes burning a hole in her back.

"Gwendolynn, you can't be serious!" he growled, which was not as impressive as it had been back in his 'man' - days.

"It's just the Game, Cullen. I had a taste of it in Ostwick and it had been fascinating." saying that, the Inquisitor turned to Leliana. "But how will we get to Halamshiral?"

"It just so happens that both of you are rich on siblings."Leliana examined them both from top to toe. "Cullen could use his sister's name and as to you, Inquisitor... Take a pick. This way the striking similarities between you and the agents will not alert the nobles."

"This is ridiculous." Cullen exhaled, throwing hands up in the air in silent defeat. "I look _nothing_ like Mia."

"In this case it is quite irrelevant, Commander." Josephine flashed a smile at him. "No noble had ever seen your sister and very likely it will stay that way. We can use it to our advantage."

Gwen chewed her lip. A name. It was obvious, right on the surface and asking to get out. But would she dare? And what if her parents hear about this? 

"Ethan. Ethan Trevelyan."

She saw a spark of recognition in Leliana's eyes. The Spymaster knew the name and she knew to whom it had belonged. But she said nothing, bowing her head in acknowledgement.

"You will be the official guests with the Inquisiton but not openly associated with us and so..."

"A dress, Commander! You will have a beautiful dress that will make even the Empress herself jealous."

Josephine was enjoying herself too much. In her head the plan and every details thereof were coming perfectly together - she finally and truly was in her element.

Cullen's face dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am setting the Commander up for a disaster of a lifetime. But he will look fabulous at least. I am thinking something Morrigan - swanky - like. With gold. And furs. The Golden Lioness. 
> 
> Oh myyyyy.


	4. The Golden Lioness

"Cullen, you have to sway your hips when walking." Leliana clapped her hands impatiently, watching the Commander crossing the room for the tenth time.

"Maker take you, Leliana!" he bristled, huffing angrily and running hands through his hair that started to cover his ears. "Why don't you work on the Inquisitor for a while?"

Gwen, who was also present, made a humming noise but let the Spymaster handle it. Leliana turned towards Cullen, furrowing her brow.

"Because the Inquisitor has no problem jumping in the skin of a man. You, however, are being _very_ difficult and unreasonable."

"I agreed to wear a damn dress, to let someone style my hair and face. _What else do you want from me?!_

Leliana pursed her lips together. She did feel for Cullen. He was the least suitable person for this task, his dislike of the nobles and their little games almost palpable. It was not in his nature to be coy. They, however, had very few options. Operative Kenway was not suited for military operations, his speciality was independent intelligence gathering. The Commander was needed for the coordination of the Inquisition's troops within the Winter Palace but with the current state of affairs he was unable to do so openly.

"Get in touch with your feminine side, Commander." she smiled cheerfully.

"I don't have any!"

Gwen came closer and rubbed his shoulder. Cullen looked at her like a cornered animal, panic in his eyes.

"Remember how you always said you liked to watch me walk?" she whispered in his ear, making the Commander blush slightly. "Just do that. Start walking, slowly."

And so he did. He felt Gwen's palms drop to his hips.

"Legs closer together. Feet straighter," as he walked, staring at the wall ahead and picturing the way the Inquisitor used to stroll, he felt Gwen tapping her hand on his left hip. "Right side, Cullen."

He did as she asked. Tap on the right. He swayed the hips slightly to the left. Right. Left. Right. Left. It felt like a very strange take on a military march.

"Hmm, Inquisitor, I think our Commander is getting the hang of this."

"You counted, I saw your lips moving. Just make sure you don't do it at the Winter Palace." Gwen smirked and pet his cheek. Her favourite gesture of affection.

Leliana checked her list and scrawled something on it, turning her attention towards both the Inquisitor and the Commander. Cullen could swear her smile looked malicious. A drop of sweat trickled down between his shoulder blades. Whatever was coming would be the death of him.

"Onto the pleasantries. Inquisitor?"

Gwen straightened her back and quickly combed her hair with fingers to make it look presentable. A dashing smile lit her face as she took an elegant bow, grabbing a nearby object from the table.

"Milady Mia, you look stunning tonight." she purred in a velvety voice, making Cullen shift uncomfortably. "I've heard much about you."

Cullen opened his mouth to say something defiant but Leliana shook her head and shot him an angry stare. The Commander smiled and made a curtsy, slightly pulling up the folds of his imaginary dress. 

"Did you? I wonder what they tell." he squeezed out a giggle that sounded more like a gag. The Spymaster disapproved, he could feel that.

"That you are as fearless as you are beautiful, milady. Please, accept this rose as a token of my gratitude for being able to behold you tonight at this soiree."

Gwen made yet another bow and presented Cullen with a candle. He reached out to take it but then his hand dropped listlessly to his side.

"I... Can't. This is ridiculous. It's a _candle_."

"Maker's breath, Commander! Do you have _any_ imagination?"

He squeezed his nose bridge with two fingers and exhaled, hoping he would drop dead. Or the living nightmare he had found himself in would end. Cullen yanked the candle out of the Inquisitor's hand, squeezing it so hard he felt the wax crumbling beneath his fingers.

"To the Void with you, with the Empress and this whole shit!" he yelled, turned on his heels and stormed out, trowing the broken candle on the ground.

The Inquisitor caught up with him in the yard. It was past nightfall and it seemed the majority of the soldiers were at 'Herald's Rest', trying to out - drink the Chargers. Poor bastards were fighting a hopeless battle for no-one could drink Iron Bull under the table. In the dim light of the torches Gwen saw the Commander's white shirt flicker ahead. She sped up and finally managed to grab him by the arm.

"Cullen, wait!"

"Do not touch me," the darkness hissed back at her. "This is _bullshit_! I _refuse_ to be degraded like that. I agreed with _so many things_ and yet you both find it fit to torture me some more!"

What could she do to make him feel better? Words would fall on deaf ears here. But there were two things that always calmed Cullen down. One was sex and so far it had been out of the question. The other was good old angry sparring. Gwen took deep breath in.

"You seem to have problems with me being 'the man' in this relationship," she was standing in the light of the torch and made sure to pull the most smug face she could muster. "Let's test it out, shall we? Oh and by the way, _Curly_ , I won't go easy on you just because you have a pair of tits and a pretty face."

The punch came from the darkness but Gwen was anticipating it and dove under Cullen's fist, grabbing him by the collar of the shirt, spinning him around and pushing the Commander into the light. He looked _magnificent_. Golden eyes shimmered with fury, skin glistening from sweat. Cullen stood there, rugged breaths leaving his chest as he opened and closed his fists. He growled and launched yet another attack that Gwen had easily avoided. Anger brought nothing but sloppiness, Cullen has drilled it into his soldiers' heads.

_... Fight with a cool head. Leave emotions for later. Angry means sloppy and sloppiness leads to death..._

"Well, Golden Lioness, I don't have all day. Are we done with our little foreplay?"

And then he rammed right into her. Gwen lost her balance and tumbled onto the ground with Cullen ending up on top of her. Before the Inquisitor realized what was going on, his face came very close and he pressed his lips to hers, forcing the tongue in. The Commander was sitting on her abdomen, pinning Gwen's arms to the ground with his feet as his long slim fingers swiftly undid the buttons on her uniform.

"Let me... Unfair!" she huffed, trying to break free.

"You do not get a say, Trevelyan."

Once again he latched onto her lips, biting the lower one and making the Inquisitor moan, muscles straining from a pleasurable jolt of pain. Whether on purpose or by accident he took the feet off her wrists and Gwen used the momentum to sit straight and let her hands slide under Cullen's shirt, fingers searching. _Finally._ Her thumbs brushed against his nipples and then pinched them ever so slightly. The Commander arched his back, releasing a happy grunt. As his hands slid down her back and into her pants, Gwen had a misfortune of looking up and see at least dozen faces glued to the windows of the tavern. One of them was a tall broad horned figure. The door swung open and the sounds of cheers disturbed the quiet air.

"The Commander is ploughing the Inquisitor!" yelled someone excitedly from inside.

"A dragon's tooth on the Inquisitor deflowering your pretty Commander tonight!" she heard Iron Bull booming ecstatically.

"Maker's balls!" that was Cullen. The same one who had never blasphemed Maker's name. He jumped up and grabbed Gwen's hand, dragging her towards his quarters, hooting and whistling of the soldiers behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a) There there Cullen. I feel your pain. Have a hug,
> 
> b) Adrenalin does THINGS to people. I find hormone - induced human behaviour very interesting.
> 
> c) Bull is a perv. But what else is new.
> 
> d) As always, if deserved, kudos and comments are much love. ^^
> 
> And finally, I have a drawing of the Golden Lioness in a frilly dress. But it is for later. Rawr.


	5. Dorian's Solution

Today was the day of the final measurements before seamstress would undertake the task of making the Commander's dress for the Halamshiral event. He stood on a small stool as the woman circled around him with a measuring tape. After writing down the results she mumbled something to herself and quickly browsed through her previous scribbles.

"Commander, did you gain weight?"

The silence had been deafening, three pairs of eyes staring at him. He saw Gwen bowing to Josephine and whispering something to her.

"I... Don't know?" he stuttered feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Your measurements are off by an inch both in hips and in abdominal area."

Once again, Cullen shot a stare in the direction of the Inquisitor and the Ambassador. Gwen was counting something on her fingers, while Josephine was starting to blush. An uneasy feeling stirred inside him and he stepped down on the floor, giving the seamstress a curt smile. The woman got a hint and, with a promise to come back later, closed the door behind herself. 

"Um... Commander..." Josephine cleared her throat, looking sideways and adjusting every little ruffle on her dress. "Have you been feeling a bit bloated recently?"

That was a weird question to ask someone but yes, in fact he _had_ been having more difficulty fitting into his pants for the last couple of days. He had attributed it to the fact that after he and Gwen had finally had sex, both his hips and pelvis felt sore. Iron Bull turned out to be right - to the mutual surprise at the _very_ intense moment later that night, it had been discovered that his new body had, in fact, been virginal. After they were done, Gwen gave him a small potion to drink. Cullen was quite aware what it was for, he saw the Inquisitor drinking it every time after they made love. And so he gulped it down without a single objection. Pregnancy was _highly_ undesirable.

"Irritability? General mood swings?"

"Yes, but that's just the lack of lyrium." he answered, uncertainty in his voice.

"Cullen, love, come here." Gwen took him by the hand and dragged him to the opposite corner, lowering her voice. "It is not your withdrawal, I counted."

"Counted?" he echoed, feeling slightly sick in his stomach. He had an inkling of what Gwen would say. The feeling of dread had washed over him and Gwen did not fail to notice Cullen's face turning whiter.

"It had been almost a month since the _accident_ had happened. I seem to be a fully functional male so I can only assume that you, ah, are the same being, uh, female."

"You... You are saying - "

"Monthlies, Cullen. That is _exactly_ what I am saying."

"Maker, why me?!"

"Now you just sound like every thirteen - year old maiden in Thedas." Gwen hugged his shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek. "It will be alright. There are potions to help to make it easier. Also, a good excuse to get some rest."

The cramps came later that same night. Cullen acted as stoic as he could and took all the steps the Inquisitor had enlightened him about. Gwen, however, could see he was not feeling well. It was the way he was sitting - slouching over his desk and fighting the urge to pull the knees closer to the stomach. Occasionally the Commander would rub his lower abdomen or his back, before concentrating on the reports again. Once the paperwork was finished, Cullen pushed the chair away, standing up and massaging his tights slowly. The  
Inquisitor raised her eyes from own stack of reports and lifted her eyebrows. Cullen pursed his lips together and rubbed his neck, avoiding Gwen's gaze.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm - "

A knock on the door had interrupted him and with a grunt the Commander yanked it open.

"What?!" he barked angrily in Dorian's face, before realizing who it was. "Oh, Dorian. Sorry about that."

Cullen let the mage in and shut the door, looking rather apologetic. Dorian arched his eyebrow in an unspoken question and the Inquisitor shook her head, preventing him from any more inquiries on the matter. The mage clicked his tongue and smiled brightly, unrolling the parchment he was carrying in his hand.

"I have some news regarding your _situation_."

"Good or bad?" Gwen put her work aside and crossed her hands, watching Cullen manoeuvre behind her chair and leaning on it.

"You tell me." was Dorian's reply. "The potion was one of its kind. And yes, before you ask, I have checked both my sources and the Black Emporium."

"You actually _went_ there?" the Commander sounded surprised. Dorian looked at him and noticed that the man seemed to feel a bit unwell. Cullen used the top of the chair to keep himself hunched over, face pale and tired.

"I would not put a foot in that ghastly place, thank you very much. I have people for that," when nobody interrupted, Dorian cleared his throat and continued. "I've translated the writing on the bottle and let me tell you, you two were _very_ lucky."

He unrolled the parchment and moved slightly closer to the candle to see better.

"Possible side - effects: blindness, loss of limbs, memory loss... Oh it gets better! Excessive body hair, permanent flatulence, extreme bestiality and, finally, the winner - sex swap."

"B.. bestiality?"

"Those horses in the stables, they would not know what hit them, poor things." the mage shook his head dramatically.

Gwen looked at Cullen and then back to Dorian, trying not to laugh but she had failed, making the Commander twitch, his cheeks beet - red.

"What else did you learn?" Cullen did his best to keep his composure and ignore the Inquisitor, gurgling with suppressed laughter, head on her arms.

"I might be able to recreate the potion. It will take a while but I _believe_ , that if the conditions under which _this_ ," Dorian gestured theatrically in the direction of both the Inquisitor and the Commander." Had happened... Well we might just reverse the effects."

"Believe? Might? These words are not quite comforting, Pavus." Cullen straightened his back and crossed arms on his chest, looking rather grim.

"Well, Commander, there is also the _other_ option."Dorian shrugged and leaned casually against the table, lazy grin on his face. "You do nothing. Everything stays as it is. You and Lady Trevelyan eventually marry and, truth be told, Cullen, these childbearing hips and intriguing bosom of yours will come in handy, when the time for siring an heir is nigh."

"Unacceptable!" followed a furious reply, the Commander staring directly at Dorian, who still kept smiling charmingly.

"Dorian, do you think you would be able to make the potion before we go to Halamshiral?" the Inquisitor raised her hand, asking Cullen to be quiet for a moment. Relationship or not, she still was his superior and the Commander closed his mouth, fuming on the inside. 

Dorian took a moment to admire the Inquisitor - she had been a handsome woman, he even told her that once. But she sure made one gorgeous man. Tall, broad and yet still lean. Beautiful strong jawline with five o'clock shadow, high cheekbones, steel - grey eyes and magnificent copper hair. He felt almost jealous of the Commander having claim on _that_.

"No, Inquisitor, I do not think so. It requires some rare herbs and careful preparation of thereof. You will have to go to the Winter Palace as you are."

"Do what you have to do, Dorian. At the pace that you think is necessary. This is the last thing we need to go wrong."

Dorian took a short playful bow and left the Commander's office.

"... childbearing hips..." muttered Cullen and made disgusted noise, while rubbing his waist.

"You said something?" Gwen tilted her head to look at him.

"No, Inquisitor. I'll just go lie down for a bit." he stroked her cheek and went upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biology and human body is a giant pain in the ass.
> 
> Having a uterus is hard too. Along with childbearing hips and stuff.


	6. Let the Ball Begin!

"You all know what to do." Josephine was giving the last minute instructions to the party involved with the Halamshiral event. Dorian was examining his nails, looking slightly bored - he had seen his share of parties but had confessed to Gwen that it was interesting to see the Orlesians piss their smallclothes at the sight of a Tevinter mage amongst them. To his disappointment the official members of the Inquisition had to wear a uniform, effectively preventing Dorian's plan to shock the court with an outrageous outfit straight from the Tevinter's capital. Sera had to swear on her bow that she will keep out of trouble, which she had begrudgingly agreed to. Iron Bull had politely reminded the Ambassador of his true line of work and she let him be. James and Alia were standing aside, with Leliana quietly briefing them. Both of the scouts had mastered their roles perfectly and, Maker, did 'the Commander' look stunning in his uniform. The outfit had been entirely black, with shimmering gold edges on the top and a maroon sash. Gwen caught herself staring, thinking how, once everything is back to normal, she will make Cullen wear this. _All the time._

"Inquisitor." a soft, almost inaudible, voice had beckoned her from behind.

"Yes?" she cleared her throat and averted her gaze from James, looking in the direction of the sound.

The same moment Sera wolf - whistled and followed up with a giggle. In the doorway stood Cullen or, as he would be known today, 'Mia'. Gwendolynn had to admit, that Joshephine was very serious when she said Cullen's dress would make the Empress jealous. It was all expensive materials and complicated stitching. The front of the skirt of the heavy maroon dress consisted of nothing but black velvet ruffles. Cullen's waist was made to look even smaller with a help of the black sash with golden flower embroidery all over it. Black velvet choker with a glimmering ruby made his neck look longer and more elegant. And the face... Maker, he was gorgeous. Whoever helped Cullen with his hair and the make - up was a true master of the craft. His golden curls were gathered behind with the help of, probably, dozen pins and covered up with a net of shimmering rubies. A stray curly strand fell over his forehead just inviting to brush it off. The artist took great care to make Cullen's scar invisible, so that there would not be any questions asked.

The Commander looked around and noticed everyone staring at him. At least three people, including the Inquisitor, were obviously undressing him with their gaze. 

"Eyes on the face!" he barked, flushing so hard that even the tips of his ears were getting adorably red. As Cullen marched towards them, Leliana called out to him.

"Mind your walk, Commander."

"My bad... " he muttered, immediately switching to the alluringly swaying stride he had so much trouble with in the beginning.

"Now then," Josephine clapped her hands to attract everyone's attention. "Let's do this. And... Maker guide us."

***

"... Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath, Commander of the forces of the Inquisition, former Knight - Commander of Kirkwall..."

They watched James taking a relatively graceful bow and walking down the path towards the Empress. It was exactly the kind of bow you would expect from Cullen. Gwen grinned, watching him joining the rest of the group ahead.

"Those people! I had never been _officially_ named a Knight - Commander." Cullen whispered, covering behind a feathered fan he had been equipped with.

"Hush, _Stanton_ , or you will miss your cue."

Cullen shot the Inquisitor an angry glare. He had never liked that name and Gwendolynn was well aware of that.

"Now presenting the official guests of the Inquisition."

Gwen saw Cullen straighten his back, jowls tight as he closed his fan with a short aggravated flick of the wrist. She found the Commander's palm and squeezed his fingers lightly. He would do great, she was sure of that.

"Miss Mia Elizabeth Rutherford of Honnleath, sister to ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath."

For a second Cullen froze. Gwen prodded him carefully and he slowly started walking. His gaze was concentrated on the Empress, pleasant smile on his face but Gwen doubted he truly paid attention to her. After the first flight of small stairs the Commander had stopped and curtsied. When the Empress had acknowledged him with a graceful nod, he proceeded forward, eventually joining the rest upstairs.

"Lord Ethan Maxwell Antoine Trevelyan, son of Bann Trevelyan of Ostwick, brother to Lady Inquisitor Gwendolynn Valentia Alison Trevelyan of Ostwick."

As Gwen took a bow, she could feel dozens of stares on her. The nobles were evaluating Lord Trevelyan. He was a nice catch no doubt. Just as good as his sister - an heir to the estate, young, good looking... _And dead._ But none of them knew about _that_ little detail.

***

"Lord Ethan, your sister..."

"Is there a lucky woman you've left behind?"

"Or, perhaps, a lucky man?"

As soon as the ball had officially started, Gwen found herself assaulted by several nobles. It seemed 'the Commander' had as much luck, with at least several ladies flocking around him and he looked absolutely petrified. Whether it had been acting or not, it looked very convincing. She spotted Cullen, who, to her surprise, seemed to be besieged as well. He towered above the five men surrounding him and as he gazed across the room and met Gwen's stare, he mouthed something that could have been interpreted as a cry for help. The Inquisitor excused herself politely, flashing a smile so charming that it made one of the younger ladies swoon and headed to Cullen's rescue.

"I am sorry, gentlemen, might I borrow this lovely lady from you?"

Of course, nobody could say 'no' to the brother of the Inquisitor herself and so Gwen took a bow, offering Cullen to take her hand which he did, clutching it so hard it actually made her wince.

"Let us walk, milady."

They entered one of the small balconies that seemed empty. The moment the door closed behind them, Cullen leaned on it, as if desperately trying to prevent anyone coming in.

"Maker's breath, this is torture! And I am not sure what is worse, demons or nobles."

"Demons don't want to marry into your estate. So I guess there's your answer," Gwen shrugged her shoulders and then smiled cheekily. "Did I tell you how magnificent you look, Commander?"

Cullen grinned shyly and reached out to rub his neck but stopped in the nick of time. If he were to mess up his appearance in any way, Leliana would have his head. She had explicitly said so on several occasions.

"I'm all ears."

That came as a surprise, for Cullen was not the one to ask for compliments. Giving them was a challenge in itself - it involved a lot of fumbling and stuttering and usually ended up in him grabbing the Inquisitor and kissing her passionately.

"You _actually_ want me to compliment you?" she laughed huskily and came closer, planting both palms on the door, just above Cullen's shoulders. "You look absolutely stunning, love. Completely perfect."

Gwen's hand slid down Cullen's shoulder, touching it lightly with fingertips, watching how his muscles tensed. She, then, proceeded to track his collarbone with her thumb, watching in amusement how his back arched slightly, responding to the Inquisitor's touch.

"The things I want to do to you, Commander..." she whispered, Gwendolynn's breath tickling his lips. "Are multiple and not to be discussed in polite company. But -" she nuzzled his neck, lips traveling upwards till she nipped at his earlobe. Gwen released a small predatory grunt and pulled away slowly, steel-grey eyes shining in adoration. "We have the Empress business to attend to."

"We, ah, we do. Don't we?" Cullen muttered, letting the Inquisitor pass and trailing behind, his feathered fan open to hide the blushing cheeks. For once he was actually glad to be in a female body, for he really did not want people to notice how aroused he felt right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little doodle I made of the dress that Cullen is wearing. It is 'meh' but it is just to give you the idea of the outfit. :)  
> 
> 
> Also Quizz just keeps coming onto our Commander. She was aleady quite a independent woman and now add some testosterone domination in the mix...
> 
> Cullen: "Eeek."


End file.
